29 Non-Academic Lessons All Students Learn at Uni

It’s a shame there won’t be any essays or exam papers on these topics, as you’d be able to outline the finer points in your sleep …

1) Cheese is so expensive. Since when was Cathedral City on toast a luxury?! Since you became a student, that’s when.

2) Toothpaste doesn’t just magically reappear by the sink. But you can make the empty tube keep on giving if you get your kneading technique just right.

3) A greasy spoon fry-up is not a cure-all. But it comes pretty close.

4) The days in between organising the internet set-up and actually having the internet are weird and confusing and everyone drifts around not knowing what to do.

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5) Cleaning rotas don’t work. They DO NOT work. They do, however, make for a great procrastination activity. See also: revision timetable.

6) You will inevitably spend a good chunk of time making your revision timetable look astounding. Colour-coordination and everything. Then you will pin it up and ignore it forever.

7) Cheap bin-liners are the devil and are not to be trusted. You never go back once you’ve tried the nice drawstring ones.

8) It turns out that nothing actually needs ironing; though try telling your mum that.

9) After weeks of topping up the bubbly water in the washing up liquid bottle, a brand new Fairy Liquid materialising by the kitchen sink is an actual proper thrill (note: no-one can actually run to Fairy Liquid, unless someone’s mum splashes out and treats everyone).

10) Ditto a new washing up sponge. Beautiful.

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11) Planning a laundry trip becomes a military-style operation that requires a complex timing strategy and ample spare change.

12) Taking someone else’s laundry out of the dryer before it’s done so that you can use it is the ultimate insult.

13) Milk usage becomes a mind game. Who keeps using up mine? Why do I keep justifying stealing “just a drop” of theirs for my cup of tea? TRUST NO-ONE.

14) Housemates will play a sick game of Buckaroo with the bin, balancing endless rubbish on top of rubbish until someone finally snaps and empties it.

15) You catch yourself thinking indignant ‘parenty’ things when you’re cleaning up. “I’m the only one who ever does anything around here.” “They never appreciate it when I clean.” “Looks like it’s up to me to unblock the sink – AGAIN!”

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16) The parties in other people’s horrible kitchens are actually the best nights.

17) The recycling boxes for glass are not big enough to handle the waste of an average student household.

18) Falling asleep at parties is highly risky and not recommended.

19) Ditto, leaving your room unlocked in Halls is an amateur mistake, unless you enjoy peeling tinfoil off every single item you own (enter any other prank as appropriate).

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20) The cleaner you have in Halls will (understandably) hate you all and bang the hoover against your door in the mornings on purpose.

21) Seminar silences never get less awkward.

22) The mature student will always have something to say, after letting the awkward silence drag on for the appropriate amount of time. And yes, it annoys everyone.

23) A free computer in the library or computer room is a rare and sacred gift from the university gods and is to be revered, because it will never happen again.

24) Library books with all the best quotes already underlined for you and additional notes in the margins is a discovery akin to a lost tomb or an ancient civilization.

25) Your parents did an awful lot for you, which you vow to repay by not abandoning wet towels on the bathroom floor when you go home to visit.

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26) “Coming down with a cold” is no longer a thing, it is just your permanent state of being for three years.

27) Wearing your dressing gown around the house all day every day is completely acceptable and will not even raise an eyebrow. Ditto walking into the kitchen to get food supplies while wrapped in your duvet.

28) Heating is a beautiful privilege that you will appreciate forever and ever *tentatively peels dressing gown off*

29) Heating is expensive and you can’t afford it *reapplication of dressing gown*

Katie Smith is a bookworm, Firefly fan and aspiring writer. She studied English Literature at Bangor University and now lives in London.

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