Top tips for becoming a better conversationalist

Once again September is looming ever nearer, and a new batch of freshers will soon be roaming university halls everywhere in a blur of stress and drunkenness. Unfortunately, many young people experience anxiety interacting with others, and it may be worse for some when university begins. If this is you, you’re not alone.

The battle with mental health can be a bit more bearable if you become a better conversationalist. Of course, the mere suggestion of becoming a chattier person can be debilitating on its own for those who struggle! Still, no matter who you are, you are capable of holding your own in any discussion. Here’s how you can do it!

Shut up

Okay, this probably isn’t the first tip you were expecting. Still, it works wonders when navigating a conversation. Obviously, don’t be silent, but realise that a chat with someone is a multi-person pass time. Not every sentence or silence needs your input, and sometimes it’s okay to take a back seat.

Not speaking here and there may calm your nerves. If the person you’re having a chat with wants a breathless monologue from you, then kindly recommend them some quality Shakespeare instead!

Put simply, pick your moments. A good conversationalist always has something important to say. They don’t waffle, and they don’t brag. They swoop in like a dashing hero, slap everyone across the face with their charisma, and leave everyone awestruck. They’re a whip, not a wet noodle! After all, if you’ve said everything you possibly could, no one would have any further reason to talk to you…

Listen hard, listen well

Obviously, don’t sit there like an awkward melon during your shutting up portion of the conversation. When you switch off your mouth, it’s time to switch on your ears!

Good friends, and romantic partners for that matter, are always good listeners. People want to feel like what they have to say truly matters. If you show that you understand this, you’ll be reeling in all the friends you could ask for left, right and centre.

Focus your mind and fine tune your ears. Don’t sit there waiting for a way to turn the conversation toward yourself, or act like your listening. Your attentiveness will be proven in your sharp responses, not by mindless nodding and smiling. From here, your conversations will be more focused and refined, and the quality of your interactions, and relationships, will improve!

Avoid repeating yourself

When you’re struggling for something to say, it can be easy to repeat yourself. Topics seem scarce in supply and the pressure is on for you to be interesting. This then leads to a usual minefield of subjects. Obviously, if it’s visited too many times, it will inevitably bore the listener eventually.

There’s no harm in mapping out potential conversations in private. There are certain subjects that are bound to come up at freshers; your degree, where you’re from, etc. Give yourself some loose guidelines more than a total script, and work from there. After all, it’s important that your interactions are organic rather than a series of soulless recitals!

More than anything, if you find yourself stuck for things to talk about, ask a question of someone else. You’re not a dancing monkey, and not every word you say has to be about you! Everyone you encounter can teach you something you never even knew about, so start picking brains!

Be nice

An obvious bit of advice, but it’s worth stating all the same. After all, if you’re trying to be included in a friendship group, it can be easy to assume that you need ‘a role’ in order to be valued. Perhaps there’s a ‘funny one’ in the group already? Damn, the smart one is taken too? And jeepers, they even have a cookie friend who cares about animals rights! How ever will you fit in?!

Put simply, social groups might have relied on something like this in high school, but adults don’t think this way. Frankly, most people just want to get on, be themselves and enjoy life without the bother of performance. Learn to accept that it’s okay to be nice, and nice alone. The nuances of your personality will naturally follow from here.

Keep an open mind

No one is campaigning for Peter Kay to be the next James Bond, but they buy his tickets all the same. Charisma is about choices, not appearances, and it goes both ways too.

For example, there are some people out there who you may not want to approach at all. Would you ask someone who doesn’t look like ‘your kind of person’ for something as simple as the time? Who knows, perhaps that individual is great friend material! Remember, everyone has a story to tell, and they have their own insecurities, hopes and fears too.

Keeping this in mind can break down those walls. No one is better than you, and nobody is worse than you either. Moreover, that ‘thuggish’ looking bloke on the street corner might want to be a poet or singer! In the end, you’re in a world of equals, and only talking makes this more true!

It’s okay to say that you don’t know something

There’s a lot of know it all’s out there, ever keen to dominate a conversation and blab ever onward. Some won’t even admit they are wrong in an argument, even though they know deep down that they are.

However, while it might seem counterproductive at a learning institution, saying the three simple words, ‘I don’t know’, can actually take you a long way in a conversation and give it some extra mileage.

Don’t say it dismissively, but with intrigue! People love to pass on their wisdom, and they love to feel purpose behind their words. Every chat is a learning opportunity.  There’s so many different kinds of people at university, and they all know something that you don’t. Celebrate that fact, and you’ll be reveling in engaging conversations and respectful debates in no time!

George Moss writes for Inspiring Interns, which specialises in finding candidates their perfect internship. To browse our graduate jobs, visit our website.